So Close But Too Far
by EvilLittleNerd1981
Summary: Bella likes Alice, Alice is straight, Bella is hurt, and Alice ain't helping!
1. So Close, Too Far

She let out an excited squeal as I pushed her even higher on the swing.

I could feel the curved arch of her back, and it seemed to sting my hand. _Haha,_ it said, _you'll never be what she wants. You'd better cherish this while it lasts, because you're her best friend. _Just_ her best friend._

I ignored the sting, ignored the obvious truth in its 'voice', and chuckled at Alice's obvious glee at being so high.

Out of nowhere, she let go of the chains and flew off the swing. My stomach clenched. She was too high, far too high…

But she landed safely, only stumbling slightly. I let out a slow, inaudible breath.

"Alice, you know it freaks me out when you do that…"

She pouted, her lips something I could not ever get over. When she saw my pained face, her face softened into one of guilt. "I'm sorry…" she said to me, and I knew she meant it.

"It's all right. Hey, how about we go over to the house?"

I didn't mean an actual house, with windows, doors, and walls. I meant the place we went to whenever we needed to be alone. Or each other. I had helped her with tough break ups there, and she had cheered me up when I thought it was impossible. It happened to be the dugout of an abandoned baseball field.

She knew where I meant, and she nodded excitedly, a grin spreading over her face.

The wonderful thing about Alice's smile: it was not only gorgeous, but contagious.

I grinned back, and we ran to 'the house'.

I settled down on the bench and opened my red backpack, pulling out our favorite snack: Fishie Crackers. (Technically, their name is Goldfish Crackers, but don't try telling Alice that.)

While I took a handful, she scurried over to the ancient, yet sturdy, fence that had once stood behind an umpire.

She climbed up nimbly, as though it were the easiest thing in the world; five feet, ten feet, fifteen feet, twenty feet.

My stomach lurched at the sight of the fence swaying in the wind… at Alice sitting on top of the enormous structure without a care.

I walked, as calmly as possible under the circumstances, directly underneath her.

Looking up at her did not help the nausea.

Suddenly I was sitting on the floor and a perfect, lilting voice called to me from miles away. It didn't sound right. It shouldn't be strained with worry.

And then _she_ was next to me, and not up there, and not dead, and her wonderful brain was still inside her wonderful head.

And then _she_ was rubbing my back, saying softly, "This might make you throw up, but after the taste you'll feel better…"

And then _I_ was facing _her_, and my mouth was open, and I was going to say something very, very important.

And I looked in her honey-gold eyes (which were sparked with concern), and saw what would happen if I told her the truth, and my mouth snapped shut, and her eyebrows came closer together.

"What's wrong?" she asked. I just gestured at my stomach- a lame excuse.

She knew it too. Didn't I tell you her brains were wonderful?

"Isabella Reina Swan. If you do not tell me this instant, I will never forgive you."

I winced at my full name. And my stomach, once more, took out my feelings on myself. It clenched because I knew Cassie had it backwards.

If I told her, she would never forgive me.

"Alice," I began, my voice cracking from it all. "I… I don't need to throw up. You just worried me. You're not freaking _allowed_ to get yourself hurt, particularly in front of me, Missy."

She rolled her eyes ("I think I can manage, Bella."), pulled me up, and helped me dust off my skirt.

I stifled a moan.

It hurt so much to have her so close… and know she was just too far.

* * *

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	2. CounterClockwise Kiss

**_Counter-Clockwise Kiss_**

**A/N: Okie dokie, I know it's been eons since I posted "So Close Yet Too Far", but… well. My brain vomited this a week or so ago, and I figured, may as well post it.**

…** don't hate me?**

**Disclaimer: I honestly own nothing. Not even the picnic tables. Yes, you should feel sorry for me. XD**

I sat with Alice on the concrete, circular picnic table. The two of us waited out the drizzling rain as the sky was painted purple with the setting sun. We scooted closer together in the cold, and I felt a buzz of excitement. Being next to Alice, wherever that might be, was always a happy place. I watched her watch the sky, the stray cats, anything but me. The warmth drained from me. Did she know what I was going to tell her? What I had spent hours, days building up the courage to say... even though I knew without a doubt that it would ruin everything, everything. I knew still had to try. But if she knew....

I needed to do it anyway.

"Alice?"

"Yes, Bella?"

"I need to tell you something…"

"What is it?" she prompted. I took a deep breath. I leaned in very close to her face, moving slowly, like maybe if I went slower, said it all calmly, that everything would end okay.

"I _like_ you." I kissed her right cheek. She stiffened and her eyes grew wide.

I couldn't stop now. I had to finish. I slowly, slowly moved up. Breathing, "I'll always be here for you…", I kissed her right temple. Slowly, slowly, I slid to the other side of her face. "…to watch out for you…" I kissed her left temple. Slowly… slowly… down… "…to be your friend…" I kissed her left cheek. Even further down… "…and anything else you want me to be." I kissed her chin.

"I'll be whatever you want me to be."

I did it then. I leaned in and kissed her lips.

As I pulled back, I realized two things at once. First of all, that that had been my first kiss. And second, that everything I'd just said sounded incredibly dumb. Actually, it'd been pretty damn creepy. Alice was still frozen in place. I blushed.

After a long pause, stiffly, she said, "Whatever I want you to be?"

I nodded quickly several times.

"Okay. Bella," she looked down into her lap, "I want you to _just_ be my friend. That's it. I want you to forget that you… like me… as anything more than your best friend."

I moved away from her. I hadn't thought of what she could do to my earlier words, how she could twist them to meaning that I could do that… The words made me feel like a knife was slowly being pushed into my chest. I thought I heard myself squeak softly from the agony.

"Bella… I love you. You're my _very_, very best friend."

I shook my head, slowly, slowly. My eyes were getting dry from being so wide and unblinking. It wasn't a knife anymore, it was barbed wire.

"But… well…" She looked up at me, quirked a small smile. "You're not my type, girlie." She was joking. She was joking but it wasn't funny. She saw my expression and her forehead creased. I knew she was dissecting my thoughts, but I couldn't try and hide them. I was too immersed in them.

_She hates me… _

**_No, no, no! She just said that she loves me! _**

_Well what, then?! I sit here, pretend I don't love her? Watch her go out with _guys?!

**_SHUT UP! _**

_You know it'll happen! Jessica is already dating Alex! And Alice said that Jasper kid was cute! _

**_SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP!_**

_…..What's wrong with me? What about me is so repulsive?_

_ **… **_

_I'm horrid. Awful. Wrong, wrong, all wrong! I should've _known_ I don't deserve a chance with--_

"Bella. Bella, don't do that to yourself."

She did it then. She leaned in, and hugged me.

I couldn't take it. I cried. Sobbed, really. This wasn't the girl who had just broken my heart; it was the girl I trusted most in the entire world and would never, _could_ never hurt me. It was the girl I shared so many memories with, the one who knew more about me than anyone else in the world and still cared about me, the girl who kicked Trey in the shin for calling me ugly and then assured me that I was beautiful and Trey was hideous and would _never_ get a girl. I sobbed into my best friend's shoulder, not realizing or caring that I was ruining her shirt.

That was when I heard a small, broken sound. Over and over again. It formed a rhythm… And then I realized what it was. It was a word. Coming from my mouth. Over and over again.

"Whywhywhy, whywhywhy…."

Alice made soft shushing noises and rocked me. "I'm so sorry, Bella."

And even though it hurt so, so bad, I leaned into her and cried until there were no more tears left for me to cry.

When that had happened, when my eyes had dried and my breathing had slowed, the last rays of sunlight had gone and stars were beginning to twinkle in the sky, I pulled back, found her honey-colored eyes, and whispered,

"I'm so sorry, too."

**A/N: I know, ridiculously short, not that brilliant, and sad (I hope. It was supposed to be.), but that's all for now. I _do_ intend to have a happy ending though. So this will _not_ be a one-sided thing. I just can't do that.**

**Also, I'd really appreciate reviews.  
Seriously, if you don't review, I _will_ assume you just didn't read the whole thing. So, you could review saying what your favorite part was, what your least favorite part was, or even just random words.  
Peanut butter. Pancake. Bird. Blue. Phone. Anything!  
Flames included. Seriously. I do mean that.**

**Since it's summer, I have a LOAD of old schoolwork that need burning… ;D**

**Much love,  
Luci  
a.k.a.  
Evil Little Nerd**


	3. Perfect For Me

**Disclaimer: I OWN IT ALL! I wish.**

**Rated: T for some language**

**A/N: I hope I didn't take too long?**

**It took a while for the plot bunny to bite.**

**Love to everyone who reads!**

**Even more love to people who review!**

**(Not like I have favorites or anything... psh. XP)**

Chapter Three:  
Perfect for Me

_Alice turned her head to me and smiled. "You know what you need, Bella?"_

"_What." I echoed, not really curious, just wanting to keep her talking so I had an excuse to look in her eyes like this. Lying on the grass hill by the House like we were, it was hard to do._

"_A man."_

"_What?!" My eyes snapped wide._

"_We need to get you a boyfriend!" __She was getting animated, trying to talk me into it. __"It'll be so much fun! You haven't had any yet!"_

"_You've had plenty for the two of us, Alice." I was nervous. I needed a way to dissuade her from her idea. "Listen, I'm really not ready for a boy—"_

_Alice cut me off with a snort. "Not ready, my ass. You'd be a great girlfriend, Bells!" Ouch. _If you think so, why don't _we_ give it a go? _I thought. "We just need to find the right guy…." She looked into the distance, forming a mental profile of my "perfect man". "Definitely sweet," she decided. "Gallant. Understanding. And, of course, he has to love _me_, too." Alice sent me a wink that melted my insides._

"_I don't like this…" I muttered. I knew my battle was lost._

_She grinned. In her mind, I'd just given her my enthusiastic approval._

_**--**_

_It didn't take her long to find the guy._

_Edward Cullen, in my sixth period English class and her fourth period Science._

_He'd been asked out several times, but never accepted…._

_Alice planned on changing that streak._

_She talked to him in Science. Told him about me. Asked if he liked me. He said sure. _

_Soon enough, he'd asked me to go out with him, and I was in a relationship with someone I barely even knew…._

**//\\//\\//\\//\\**

"_Bella! __Bella Bella Beeeeelllllaaaaaa!" _

_I took the phone from my ear and blinked at it. "….Alice? Is that you?"_

"_Bella!" Alice's voice shouted through the receiver. "Guess what!"_

_I felt myself become eager with her energy. Good news was coming, I was sure of it._

"_What? What is it, Alli? I wanna know!"_

"_Guess who asked me out just now!"_

_My heart plummeted. I took a deep breath and kept my voice as eager as it had been a few short years ago. (Seconds? Really?) "Who! Oh my god. Who?"_

"_Well," she started, obviously taking relish in the suspense she kept me in, "I was walking back home from the soda machine, and you know how lots of kids from school live by the soda machine? Well, I was walking home, and _Jasper_ came up to me and stopped me!"_

"_Jasper Hale?" I gasped. He'd had quite a few girlfriends, and all of them (very pretty) claimed he was a really sweet boyfriend. He went through the girls quickly though, much like Alice with boys._

"_Yeah! That's his last name!" I rolled my eyes. That was my Alice. "Anyway, I am no longer single!"_

"_Again." I said._

"_It's going to be so awesome, we can double!"_

_I made a noncommittal sound and was about to launch into my customary "try not to break his heart too badly" speech, before I stopped and thought about it. This was the first time Alice, my little play_er_, had the chance of being _played_. _

_I gave her my first ever, "be careful, don't go too fast, keep your heart where it belongs: close to you" speech, got some sounds of agreement from her, and assurances that I had nothing to worry about, that I'd be the first to know if anything were to happen._

"_I would say, Don't do anything I wouldn't do, but that doesn't leave you with much, does it?"_

_She laughed her tinkling laugh, the laugh I loved hearing, I loved causing._

"_All right, all right, you'll be the little angel saying Don't do it don't do it, and the little devil will be like Don't listen to her, Alice! Do it, do it! And then you'll go over and smack the crap outta him."_

_I laughed. "'Kay, Alli. Talk to you later."_

"'_Kay. Bye."_

_Just as I was about to press the End button, I heard her shout, "Crap! Wait! Don't hang up!"_

"_What's up?"_

"_Do you wanna sleep over?"_

_I smiled. "Let me ask Renee, okay?"_

**//\\//\\//\\//\\**

_When I woke up the next morning, stretching and rubbing at my eyes, you were still asleep. _

_This in itself was odd. You were always the first one up._

_We'd watched the scary movies you'd rented last night, screeching and jumping into each other, then bursting into giggles._

_But once the movies were over, you'd refused to go to sleep yet. I tried staying up with you, but I'd drifted off. I supposed the movies had kept you up a bit longer than I'd thought._

_We'd slept together on the floor, not wanting to be alone. You kept beating out tapping noises against my dresser, making me paranoid while you laughed._

_I rolled onto my side and watched your chest rise and fall, your face, smooth and peaceful in sleep, your legs and arms splayed around you—_

_Your arm was inches from my hand. If I moved it even in the slightest, our skin would be touching._

_I felt myself move my finger inconceivably, almost not moving it at all, and immediately jerked my arm away, cradling it to my body as though it'd been burned. _

_I let out a loud breath, sat up, and moved further away from you._

_I watched you sleep, and thought of how I like you so much more that I should._

_You're nothing like Edward. The one I'm _supposed_ to like._

_I sat there, watching you, thinking and imagining and aching to touch your face, caress your arm… I wanted so badly to lean over you, bring my face so close to yours I could count your thick lashes, and press your lips to mine again._

_The memory of the first and last time I'd kissed came fresh to my mind, and my chest (_Heart?_ I wondered) ached with it._

_And it hurts. Because I want you._

_I want you the way you want Jasper. Or not. Maybe more._

_I want you the way you'll never want me...._

_I'm all wrong for you._

_But you're perfect for me._

**Review Replies:**

**fangrl: Wow thanks! There is love in my heart! There is! There just isn't love in the hearts of the damn plot bunnies! Sorry if I took long!**

**Echoes-of-Dreams: flower, shorts, card, tissue. Hope this one is interesting enough for you, lol! Was I soon enough?**

**SwedFacepainter: Thank you! I would say sorry, but I have to admit I did a little happy dance at that. I honestly can't do sad for crap on my own, my amazing and wonderful beta Loquacious Girl helped loads with that chapter. I'm more of a fluff kind of person, hence the need for a happy ending. ;)**

**Emryk Cullen: Me glad you likey. XD**

**PureWiings: I know! Gah. It killed me to write that. And I think I won't have any problems continuing with this one! The updates might be kinda random, but… ^.^; Thanks for theawesome review!**

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**peppercut: I will, thanks! I don't think I'll have problems finishing this one, I want to see Bella through this! ….I'm so dramatic.**

**charly: I hope this was fast enough! I'm sorry, I always have a problem doing things quickly. Thanks for sticking with it anyway =3**

**A/N: This chapter has been beta'd by my friend Taylor, who would like to say something to you all.**

**B/N:haha!!!!!i edited this bxtch of a story, just joking. I didn't really do anything but read it =] oh and part of the story was based around me and my ex (I am Alice and my ex was jasper)**

**BYE!! =]**

**Additional Disclaimer (by the author):**

**I have psycho friends.**

**And also! **

**I am not Bella. Okay.**

**There.**

**Good.**

**Also, I do not own the soda machine, Taylor does.**

**Lol bye XD**

**(You can tell Taylor wrote that last bit.)**


	4. Rosalie Hale

Staring at my ceiling. How exciting. What a wild life I lead.

I rolled over to face my bedside table. There it was. My phone. It hadn't rung in two days. Three, if you count today.

It's not like Alice and I spent every minute of every day with each other before.

Except it kind of is.

But no. Not a single call all weekend. She barely talked to me at school, either. Not since she met _her_.

_She_ was so much more Ali's style than me. _She_ liked shopping. Boys. The music on their iPods were nearly identical. _She_ loved the same stores as Alice. _She_ had all of her classes with Alice.

My Alice.

My Alice was gone.

She wasn't antagonistic… just… absent.

Gone, since Monday.

_On Monday the two of us were talking in the hallway—she had still been _my_ Alice then—when Alice saw something over my shoulder. I turned to look, and there she was._

_For an eighth-grader, I remember thinking, she sure is… curvy._

_She was slightly taller than me, but way prettier. She was almost statuesque. Her golden wavy hair fell to her elbow. Blondie shot her eyes side to side as she strutted down the hallway, but the glances weren't nervous, something one generally expects from the new kid. She regarded the place, the kids, with a sense of superiority._

_I shook my head slowly as it turned back to Alice, but she didn't look put off at all._

"_Hey. Let's make the new girl feel welcome, yeah?"_

_My eyebrows quirked. "Uh, I don't think…"_

_But she was already headed towards Blondie, not paying my quiet words any mind._

_There was something in the way she walked that hadn't been there before. _

_No. It wasn't a walk. It was a strut._

"_Hi! I'm Alice Cullen. This is Bella Swan."_

"_Rosalie. Rosalie Hale."_

"_Not related to Jasper Hale, are you?"_

"_No. Who's Jasper?"_

"_My boyfriend."_

"_I see."_

_Alice stood there and let Blondie (Rosalie, whichever) size her up._

_She gave Alice a mildly approving nod, ignored me, and the three of us headed to homeroom._

That was the beginning.

Sometimes Alice would try to include me in conversation, but Rosalie would make some snide remark and I'd be pushed back to the sidelines.

Then, just like that, my ringtone broke the silence that had been eating away at me.

The screen read the name I'd barely dared to hope for.

_Alice (1-273-490-4182)__**(**_**1)**

"Hello?"

"Hey! Bella! Oh my god! You know Rose?"

"Yeah…" _How could I not? She stole you away._

"She _totally_ tried to steal Jasper! I hate her! She was hitting on him like _crazy_!"

"Oh my gosh. Al, that's awful."

"Yeah! I am so done with her. Can I come over?"

"'Course, Ali."

"Great! See you in ten."

"Okay. See you."

Maybe everything could be okay again. Maybe everything will be fine.

I have my Alice back.

_My Alice…_

I kept that thought in my head while I ran downstairs to let Renee know Alice was coming over. She smiled and told me she was heading off to a pottery class, so she wouldn't be around.

I nodded and headed back to my room.

_My Alice._

//\\//\\//\\//\\

_Alice (1-273-490-4182)__**(**_**1)**

"Hello?"

"Hey! Bella! So guess what!"

"What?"

"Guess who called me earlier!"

I smiled and rolled my eyes. "Who?"

"Rosalie. Hale."

"Holy…"

"Yeah."

She didn't sound particularly upset to hear from the girl who tried to steal her boyfriend. I blinked slowly. "What happened?"

"We talked," _What?! _"and she's totally, one hundred percent over Jasper! She's gotten with Emmett—"

"Emmett _Cullen?_" My eyes bugged out a bit at that.

"Yeah! Anyway, she's alright now."

"What happened to 'I am so done with her'?" I retorted.

She paused. "Well. I mean. That's all cleared up now."

"Right. Okay."

"_Any_way, I was wondering if you wanted to come with us to the mall tomorrow?"

I hesitated. Flashbacks of Rosalie's catty remarks and snide looks filled my head.

"I don't know Al…."

"Come on!" she pleaded. "I can't go without you, it'd be so _boring_!"

I caved in. I couldn't help it, couldn't say 'no' when she asked with a voice so plaintive.

It was a decision I'd come to regret.

//\\//\\//\\//\\

When I got off the bus, the first people I saw by the mall were Rosalie and Alice.


	5. Chapter 5

_When I got off the bus, the first people I saw by the mall were Rosalie and Alice, sitting on a bench near the door. _

_They had their heads huddled together and were making observations of the general passerby, and when I finally reached them Rosalie teased, "Ack. Ew. Awful, awful!" and they giggled._

_I smiled humorlessly. Exactly what I'd expected. _

_The day passed, us going to stores none of us could afford and trying on clothes, spending all our money in the food court._

_We stopped by in a little shop filled with dresses and skirts and jeans and blouses. Alice put on a floppy hat and laughed, and Rose grabbed large pink sunglasses and made kissy faces wearing them._

_I held a swishy, dirty orange dress up to my body and twirled around. Alice giggled and said "Oh yes, love the color."_

_Rosalie snorted. "Bella, you're insane if you think you could fill that out. You're so…" she tapped a slender finger to her chin, supposedly in thought. "flat," she finally finished._

_I rolled my eyes, but put the dress carefully back on the rack while Alice agreed and made some joke about how boyish my figure was._

_My purse buzzed, and I dug through it for my phone. _

_A text from Edward. My heart sank. Today just wasn't my day._

_I scanned the message quickly, and my mood quickly lightened. He'd found a new girl, a Tamara or a Taylor or a Mary or a Kate or an Ashley, I didn't really care. The point was, he was over me. We, as a couple, were over. _

_I turned to my shopping companions and tried to keep my face somber. "Guys," I murmured._

"_What is it?" Alice asked, and I saw a flash of the old Alice, of my Alice, in her eyes._

"_Edward just broke up with me."_

_Rosalie's eyes gleamed and Alice's eyes widened._

"_Did he say why?"_

_I ignored the spiteful tone. "He likes someone else. Taylor or something."_

_Alice's eyes were saucers by now. "Oh my god, he likes Tanya?!"_

_Rosalie shrugged indifferently and shuffled the hangers on the rack a little while she looked at the clothes. "I can see it. She's pretty- I like her hair color. I always thought she dyed it."_

"_Your concern for me is touching Rose, really. Stop being so emotional, before you cause a scene."_

_Her blond head whipped around and she locked my eyes with her icy glare._

"_Wow. Ugly's almost got a sense of humor. Almost."_

_I shook my head disgustedly. I couldn't help but think how much this hurt. For Alice's new very, very best friend to be dumping on me, and for Alice to stand by, giggling, 'Oooh'-ing, and browsing through skirts._

_I took a good look at the two girls, then turned away._

_I walked out of the store, I walked out of the mall. I waited at the bus stop, and boarded the bus. I got off near my house, walked through the front door, walked to my room._

_I walked to my bed, lay down, curled up, and cried quietly._

_My Alice was gone._

--

_Things continued on like this, Rose bitching, Alice laughing, and me waiting for _my_ Alice to come back. October eventually rolled around, and a traveling circus made a stop at Port Angeles for the weekend._

_Renee allowed me to make the two-hour bus ride, just me, Alice, and—of course—Rose._

_The ride itself wasn't so bad. Alice and Rose shared an iPod and gossiped about people I didn't care about, and I listened to my walkman, reading Pride and Prejudice._

_I'd just gotten to my favorite part when Alice slapped my arm lightly to let me know that we were at our stop. _

_As soon as we got off, we saw an enormous blue-and-white-striped tent, set up in a solitary, untended field, in the midst of the town._

_We were a little late, but in time to see most of a rather amazing trapeze show._

"_God, Bella, move out of the way!" Rose shoved me over._

_Alice shook her head and smiled. "You can be so _dumb _sometimes."_

_When my expression started to betray my hurt, she giggled. "God, Bells, I'm just messing with you!"_

_I pulled a fake laugh. "Yeah. I suck. Don't know why you put up with me."_

_Rose laughed that horrible laugh and said, "Seriously!" before popping some popcorn into her mouth. _

_We sat in the bleachers for a while, gasping and screaming along with the crowd every time it looked like the acrobats were about to plummet to their death. _

_After a few moments, Rose straightened herself with a devilish grin. She whispered something to Alice, who laughed her tinkling laugh and nodded. They got up and ran off somewhere. Unsure whether I was meant to follow, I got up and ambled in the general direction they'd gone._

_I spotted an ice cream stand and stopped to buy a cone. I walked around the tent, filled with stands of food and games and art. I decided Alice and Rose probably didn't want me with them anyway._

_My phone buzzed and I pulled it out. A text from… someone named Angela?_

hi bella! its angela. we have social studies together. did you start your homework? i dont get #4

_I remembered Angela. She was quiet, and smart. She got along with pretty much everyone. Rose didn't like her, because she never bothered with eyeliner or hair product or anything of the sort. I'd always suspected Rose was secretly jealous that Angela didn't _need_ any of those things._

_I typed a quick, joking reply saying 'd done the work without really understanding it, but if she wanted I could try to help over text._

_She was nice and said it was fine, that her sister was helping her already. She asked where I was._

_Soon we were texting back and forth, making each other laugh and making plans._

_We were just talking about how we needed to check out the new bookstore down the street from school when I felt a light slap on my shoulder. I whirled around to see two very pissed off faces._

"_What the hell, Bella! You _ditched_ us!"_

_I felt myself get angry at the unfairness of the accusation. "What_ever_! I looked up and you two were gone!"_

_Alice narrowed her eyes and opened her mouth to tell me off, but I cut her off. "You know what? Forget it. You two... You don't give a _crap_ about me. I'm leaving."_

_And I turned away, and for the second time, I left them._

_I thought to myself that this should be the last time._

--

That was Sunday night.

Monday morning, Renee came in to wake me up, took one look at me, and said I could stay home.

I guess the sight of me was enough. I was in bed, but still in my clothes; shivering, because I hadn't bothered to pull up the covers; my eyes still red and my nose still running…

That first day I spent at home, finishing the homework I hadn't bothered to do the night before, but mostly just thinking.

I had a general plan for Tuesday by the time the sky was turning pink.

I'd have to start making new friends. I doubted I'd be able to hang out with Rosalie and Alice much anymore. I'd probably start hanging around Angela a lot more, I supposed.

I would have a good excuse for the future, if anyone tried to set me up with a guy again. I could just say that I wasn't over Edward, however far it was from the truth.

I had to try this. I had to try to survive without Alice. I couldn't keep letting her send me home on the verge of tears. I was tired of being her tool.

The next day, Tuesday, I walked to school with my back straight and my head held high. I pushed through the double doors.

I walked through the crowded hallway with a purpose. When I got to locker 216 and 217, and I saw Alice and Rose smiling maliciously at me, I passed right by them, without a second glance in their direction. I almost wish I'd looked a second time. I'd have loved to seen their faces.

Once I was out of their sight, I took a deep breath and walked over to Angela. She was putting a book in her locker while nodding thoughtfully at something her friend, Jessica, was saying.

"Hi Angela," I smiled. "Hey Jessica."

Angela turned her mouth up in a wide grin toward me. "Bella!"

Jessica smiled, too. "Hey there. It's not often we see you around here."

I reddened. Jessica didn't get along with Rosalie, either.

Angela steered the subject away from that rocky area, and I was grateful. By the time the bell rang, Jessica had decided I wasn't so awful, and invited me and Angela to her house after school.

I was more than a little shocked at how _nice_ they were to me. Even Jessica, with her sarcastic sense of humor, was never cruel or teasing. _Though, after _them_, it couldn't have gotten much worse,_ I figured.

Still, that day at Jessica's house, we ignored our homework in favor for trading stories.

I was afraid that might be a bit weird, considering Angela and Jessica had been friends far longer than I'd been in the picture, so it was usually, "Once, Jessica and me were…" or "So, me and Angela went to…" from them, and "Alice, Rose, and I…" or "Me and Alice" from me.

By the time we'd each told our share of stories, some making us laugh, some making us shake our head sympathetically, Jessica had an eyebrow raised and said, "Damn! _Why_ did you put _up_ with that crap so long?"

I shrugged. "They were my friends. I loved them."

Something clicked in Angela's eyes. "Bella… you never really stood up to Alice, you know. Sometimes she was even worse than Rose… but you never did."

There was a long silence as they looked at me expectantly and I tried to figure out an answer that _wouldn't_ make me sound so incredibly… _gay_.

That ruled out, _I love her_, _She's incredibly gorgeous and wonderful_, and _Her eyes... they just…_, which really were all three reasons.

I looked directly into Angela's dark brown eyes and said, "I just care about her more than I should."

Jessica snorted and rolled her eyes. "The first step is admitting you have a problem."

And I was able to laugh at that, mostly because I hoped it was true.

**A/N: Okay, I just want to say, I've never been to Washington. I realize Port Angeles may never have ever seen a traveling circus, but this story is based on a true story, and I felt like I had to include it… So. Yeah. Sorry.**

**Just for the record! I don't think Rose is a horrible person in the books! I actually kind of like her. Just saying. This is AU. Don't kill me.**

**You know I own nothing, but I do apologize for the slight OOC-ness of this one.**

**Also! I couldn't think of a name for this one. Ideas in reviews? Pretty please?**

**And now, the long-awaited Review Replies!**

Emryk Cullen: Thanks for reviewing every chapter! Even though I don't deserve it… sorry, I didn't really update very quickly. I suck.  
(More? Is this good?)

YoruSoixlover: Ahhh! *ducks* Don't kill me! Alice'll come around! I swear! ^.--

PureWiings: She really is, isn't she? Not for much longer though… I expect our little Alice will have a change of heart soon enough.

avic 16: Voila? =3

Dolphin64575: Really? Wow, thanks. My one friend keeps yelling at me for totally screwing up Alice. Lol!

-Big By-: I know what you mean!

fangrl: They live in my backyard. I made a little hutch for them and everything. Stop by anytime! They need some love in their hearts, for real.

charly: Oh that is depressing! Oh god I feel your suffering.

xXxZellyxXx: Thanks! Hope this was alright.  
(I know! I'm so sorry about the randomness of that. I'm thinking of removing that completely because it really did nothing to help the story along. Thoughts? Anyway, thanks for your honesty.)

nhie: I am so sorry. If it helps, I'm going through the same thing. Lots of love and good luck! 3

morte206: Thank you so much. I'm glad you thought so! And so am I. Sucks, don't it.

cat onyx: I'm so sorry for making you cry! Don't worry, most chapters won't be that sad. I have this weird incapability to write angst, so my best friend LoquaciousGirl helped me out with that chapter.

Team Alice-Bella: First of all, perfect name. Secondly, you know it! I can't not have them together. I know it seems like it'll never happen, but… I'm too much of a sap to leave it unrequited.

swwblackhawk: Ta-da?


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